Once upon a time, there was a girl confident in how to handle every situation that came her way, except when it came to boys. I don’t know why you chose me as the object of your pursuit (especially when I turned you down for six months), but you did. Your persistence bothered me then, but now I know it is one of your best qualities.
Remember that November Night and the moonlit field? I don’t think we had even held hands yet, but I knew I wanted to be with you, and the feelings grew after that. We daydreamed of a life of ministry together, maybe seminary too, and I remember thinking that this was why we fit so perfectly together. My hopes and dreams for our future were wrapped up in the idea of where we thought our lives were headed.
Once upon a time, we got married in another November under a gray sky and gold leaves. I remember the autumn breeze toying with my hair and the way your eyes overflowed with tears. I remember how right it all felt, how safe.
People told us the first year of marriage would be the hardest, and I prepared myself for arguments and annoyances and slammed doors.
I didn’t expect the difficulty to be from outside forces instead.
I didn’t expect to both have jobs which were not only not “in ministry” as we planned, but jobs we didn’t like. The late nights you worked by lamplight while I curled in our bed missing you were not planned. I despised that your job was taking away your life.
Then you lost that job. We laid on our porch hammock in early spring, and you told me they didn’t need you to go back to work anymore. I could see the fear in your eyes, uncertain of what the future held and uncertain of how your new wife would react — so I kissed you.
And we prayed.
Jobs have since changed, and we have a faithful God who provides, but on this snowy morning we sit together at the kitchen table, and you are participating in a conference call about dog treats. I know that you are “in ministry “even when it comes to discussing chicken jerky, but I know your heart is not engaged in the way it was designed. Yet you are faithful to where you are right now, so you spout off facts about Facebook fans and new packaging shipments.
I bet you never planned to raise support while also working 45-50 hours a week in a corporate job. Even when we started this new journey, I never planned to break down this often, allowing my emotions and my fears to get the best of me. I never thought it would be this hard to get to where we wanted to be, where we thought God was calling us, even.
But you are persistent. You let me cry and you speak truth to my faltering heart. You are in it for the long haul – both with the fundraising and with me.
Just over two years in, I know more trials are ahead. I know we aren’t even done with today. But I have seen how adamantly you refuse to give up. And I won’t, either.
Love,
me.
_______________________________
On the first Monday of every month, I’ll be writing a letter to participate with Amber Haines in the “Marriage Letters” series on her blog. Though it’s only been two years for us, I want to develop this practice of blessing my husband and our marriage. You should also check out Amber’s most recent marriage letter and the others that are linked up to her post.
most people seem to have some sort of story from high school that stands out in their mind as a low point. whether there was drama, or your most embarrassing moment, or extreme disappointment, things seemed to be the “end of the world” in high school.
i thought i had reached the lowest point of my life during my senior year of high school.
since i attended a fairly conservative christian school, we did not have school dances but rather formal banquets each year. this involved everything a prom does – fancy dresses, hair up-dos, corsages, limos, and dates – just swap the dance for the dinner. people started planning for this january event in september, since it was the only event of the year where people brought dates and therefore a big deal.
as a senior in high school, i had been going to the banquet since seventh grade, but had never had a date. my close friends told me that they were sure i would have a date for senior year, since a lot of people in our class were going together even just as friends, but they were wrong. i was still date-less.
determined to make the most of it, i invested in what is today still one of my favorite dresses i have ever worn (other than my wedding dress, that is). one of my friends did my hair, and i showed up to the banquet driving my ford bronco (which high school me thought was pretty sweet, even if it was somewhat difficult to get in and out of with heels on). of course, when i walked in, i realized that all of the tables seated even-numbers of people (aka couples), so most of the tables with my friends at them were already full. i ended up sitting next to my high school crush and his date (definitely not ideal) and having to get my own drink instead of having a date bring it to me.
{just for fun} we were the four “originals” of our class, having been at CCS since preschool
after the event, most people were going out to a fancier restaurant to get dessert before going to a student-organized dance (let the record show that it was not school-sponsored). i watched my friends all hop into a limo the boys had rented. their parents had shown up to take pictures of them getting in, since it was a surprise, and i stood with them. of course it was raining, and of course i didn’t have an umbrella, so i shouted to them that i would meet them at the restaurant then ran to my car.
however, i felt so left-out and lonely that i couldn’t bring myself to endure any more of being the only one without a date. so i just drove home. i kicked off my heels, put on pajamas, and cried while watching beauty and the beast. none of my friends even called to ask where i was and why i hadn’t shown up.
that was the low point of my life at the time. and i didn’t understand why God couldn’t have changed things for me. did He even care about 18-year old girls and high school?
looking back, i am grateful for my years of singleness. i am even grateful for the way high school played out.
God used it to protect and prepare me for my relationship with eric. it changed the way i viewed relationships and changed what i expected in a significant other. loneliness deepened my personal walk with the Lord. it even provided me with a platform to relate to some of my girls through camp ministry and college ministry.
God was intentional in the way He wove that part of my life together. i couldn’t see it at the time, though.
i can laugh about it now, especially since i would have a pretty easy life if that is the hardest thing i ever have to go through.
but i didn’t see the full picture, though high school sure felt like it was the only thing that would matter at the time.
the israelites were the same way, except change the long dresses and limos into sweat and brick-making.
moses came into egypt probably on the same kind of high you experience after summer camp or a college ministry conference. he had just experienced God through a burning bush, and he was ready to bring his people out of slavery. the people believed what God was going to do, and they were on moses’ side (exodus 4:31). however, after moses visited pharaoh and pharaoh refused his request, pharaoh significantly increased the workload on the israelites, who in turn got mad at moses.
Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, “O Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever sent me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all. (Exodus 5:22-23, emphasis mine)
neither he nor the israelites saw the full picture.
God spoke to moses and told him the end result (exodus 6:6-8), but He did not explain the “how” or the “when.”
it’s scary to not be able to see the next steps. we can know and even believe the promises in Scripture that God is with us, He will never forsake us, He works all things together for good, He will carry out to completion the good work He began in you, etc. etc. but without knowing the “how” or the “when” – without understanding what He is up to – it can seem like He has forgotten us or He has made a mistake.
God did the same thing right after the israelites were released from egypt.
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to turn back and encamp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, in front of Baal-zephon; you shall encamp facing it, by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the people of Israel, ‘They are wandering in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.’ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, and the Egyptians shall know that I am the Lord.” And they did so. (14:1-4)
do you see how intentional that was? God told them to camp right in front of the red sea. where He knew they would be boxed in by the wilderness and the sea when the egyptians came pursuing them. He even told them why – that it was for His glory – but when the israelites saw the egyptians pursuing them, they freaked out.
They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? (14:11)
and i can’t tell you how often i have the same reaction with the Lord when i don’t understand.
but the israelites didn’t see the full picture. and neither can we.
the Lord prompted me to make a list reflecting times in my life where things haven’t gone my way or it hasn’t made sense, then to look at it from the perspective i have now. whether it is silly issues (such as high school formals) or serious issues (such as the path i took after graduating from college that didn’t seem like where i wanted to go), God was at work. He was intentional in each of those circumstances, showing me that i can trust Him with the full picture.
obedience precedes understanding, and that can be difficult to embrace in the moment, but after recognizing ways God has shown up, i can take courage in moving forward, trusting that He will do the same.
or at least, i should. i have a feeling i will be like the israelites and continually question what God is doing. but He isn’t done with me yet, and i know He will be patient and continue to work this trust-thing out in me.
you should make a list, too. remind yourself that God knows the full picture and we just see a little sliver of the now.
y’all, it’s cold outside. unusually cold season for arkansas, i think. i am loving the randomly warm days, but it makes it even harder to go back to puffy coats and layers upon layers and the dread of driving while your heater warms up the car.
after christmas, i am always ready for spring. i have already worn my fun coats and hats and sweaters, and the weather is no longer romantic and christmassy. it’s just cold and gray and dead and dark.
i’ve been thinking a lot about longings lately. the way i long for spring at this time each year (today is considered the most depressing day of the year, after all) – for bike rides and picnics in the park and shorts and open porch doors. the way i am longing for consistent community. the way we are longing for financial stability and the ability to put money towards savings and paying more than the minimum amount on student loan payments. the way i am longing for us to be “fully-funded” and working on the college campus full-time with the ministry we are joining.
but the reality is, it’s winter, and cold, and not close to being over. it takes time to build relationships and invest in making those deep. the Lord is meeting our financial as well as our fundraising needs and I have no reason to complain, even if i’m not where i ultimately want to be.
but the longings i have are not inherently bad things.
so i am trying to figure out how to rest in reality while still looking forward to what is next.
paul the apostle dealt with this tension (though his desires might be a little more God-focused than mine) in philippians 1
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. (vv 21-24)
maybe part of the solution is found in verse 22 – what does it mean to be in the present? what purpose do i see in the current realities?
winter is necessary to produce spring.
we are trusting God for our daily bread and not living in an earthly security.
a season of uncertainty about the timing of the future produces more of a dependence on God’s sovereignty and knowledge.
God not only knows that i am here, but He has planned for me to be here. He led me here. and i want to rest in that.
but longings aren’t bad, as long as they are kept in perspective of submitting to God, right? so where does the balance come in? how do you find contentment now and joy in the longing of what is to come but hasn’t yet?
Thank you, Ben Rector, for real-life love songs and grounded perspective. This album might be on repeat for awhile…
There are way too many love songs
And I think they’ve got it all wrong
Cause life is not the mountaintops
It’s the walking in between
And I like you walking next to me
–“I Like You”–
I don’t need shiny things
Or love from a movie screen
But I tell you what I really want
Oh oh, oh oh
Give me an ordinary love
That I touch, that I hold
Give me an ordinary love
–“Ordinary Love”–
We’re better off the sooner that we find
That life is mostly what we choose to see
Cause whether or not I’ve got what I want
Life keeps moving on in front of me
As I walked through our house for Project: Content-to-Rent, one of the things that stood out to both Eric and I was the light fixture situation. The house has some potentially original light fixtures installed, but I am pretty sure they haven’t been dusted in a decade, and they aren’t necessarily visually appealing.
not a great “before” picture – it just looks boring here, but when we took it down, it was filthy, and cleaning it would not have improved the style or the pattern etched in glass
Some of our friends have this incredible light fixture in their bedroom, and it is a great statement piece that adds personality to the whole room (plus it looks really cool reflected on the walls). When I saw how much it added to their room, I thought it might be a simple way to spice up our master bedroom, too.
I was looking through the World Market website, and this fixture caught my eye:
My first thought was, “I could do that for less than $180!” So I began the hunt for a chandelier.
After searching several thrift stores, I turned to Craig’s list, and while I couldn’t find the traditional chandelier I was originally looking for, I was able to snag this piece for $25 bucks:
Unfortunately, the person who previously uninstalled this fixture thought it was the most sensible thing to do to simply snip all of the electrical wires below the ceiling, hence leaving no possibility for the existing wires to be connected to the solid wire in the ceiling. Thanks to the Home Depot forums, I was guided through the process of removing the existing wiring and replacing it with new wiring (supplies costed around $15).
The process of wrapping the fixture in twine wasn’t too difficult, though it was tedious and time-consuming. I decided not to wrap all of the scrolls – partly because I liked the mix of the twine and the metal, and partly because it was too intimidating to think about maneuvering.
I didn’t have to spend any money on the twine because I have a whole roll of it from crafts for my wedding… over two years ago! I’m not kidding when I say I use this ball of twine all the time, for crafts and gift wrapping and decorations.It’s like the widow’s flour and oil in the Old Testament – it never runs out! Though I used a pretty significant chunk of it for this project.
The worst part, we discovered, was actually hanging the fixture. Because this is an older house, all of the wiring is older, and it’s not as simple to just match up the correctly-colored wires. My grandpa was an electrician, though, so I was able to ask my dad lots of questions to make sure I wouldn’t mess anything up.
After the wiring was figured out, though, we discovered that the chandelier has a fairly inconvenient design to allow screwing it into the ceiling. It took multiple tries (and several moments of wanting to cuss) to get that thing secured.
And thankfully, we love how it turned out! It really transforms the feel of our bedroom:
(that floor lamp in the background is one of the next things to go!)we aren’t sure yet if we are going to hunt for some sort of shades or leave the bare bulbs exposed
I had a lot of fun playing with the wiring and asking the Home Depot guys questions. I really like knowing how things like that work, and it makes me less afraid to try other similar projects, now that I have a better understanding of what is involved.
And this was my selected project-of-the-month for Apartment Therapy’s January Cure, so I can check that off my list, as well! I also completed my weekend JC chores of vacuuming/mopping the floors and under the furniture, washing our bedding, and cleaning out my closet in the process, so it all worked together.
For less than $50, it’s not a bad statement piece to help transform our master bedroom, and it is giving me more ideas for a direction to go with the walls, which is the next focus in that room. Though getting proper nightstands and lamps is also a priority…
I justfinished reading Every Good Endeavor by Tim Keller. I’ve probably been working on it for two months or so, and – I’m not gonna lie – I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the epilogue. While it was a great book, it was a very dense book, and it just took time to completely grasp some of the concepts.
The theme of the book is faith-and-work integration; the Gospel should not only affect our decision for salvation and our relationship with God, but how we approach life, and specifically, our view of work and the way we work. The theology of work and the idea of living a fully-integrated life has been a huge theme for me and Eric over the past couple of years, and it is actually a huge piece of the puzzle for us as we join staff with Cru and prepare to work with college students.
While there are many things I could write about, some of which I will potentially write about later, the last chapter really resonated with my heart. I will do my best to not make this like a book report, but some of the background information might be necessary in helping relate this piece to the whole.
In discussing the “power” given for work by the Gospel, the chapter addresses “the work under the work” and “the rest behind the rest”:
But the relationship between work and rest operates at a deeper level as well. All of us are haunted by the work under the work – that need to prove and save ourselves, to gain a sense of worth and identity. But if we can experience gospel-rest in our hearts, if we can e free from the need to earn our salvation through our work, we will have a deep reservoir of refreshment that continually rejuvenates us, restores our perspective, and renews our passion.
Keller and co-author Katherine Leary Alsdorf expound on the idea of rest by providing three purposes behind the idea of rest as illustrated by God’s command to obey the Sabbath.
Sabbath is a celebration of our design – “Since God rested after his creation, we must also rest after ours… Overwork or underwork violates [that rhythm of work and rest] and leads to breakdown.”
Sabbath is a declaration of our freedom – “Anyone who cannot obey God’s command to observe the Sabbath is a slave, even a self-imposed one. Your own heart, or our materialistic culture, or an exploitative organization, or all of the above, will be abusing you if you don’t have the ability to be disciplined in your practice of Sabbath… It is important that you learn to speak this truth to yourself with a note of triumph – otherwise you will feel guilty for taking time off, or you will be unable to truly unplug.”
Sabbath is an act of trust – “To practice Sabbath is a disciplined and faithful way to remember that you are not the one who keeps the world running, who provides for your family, not even the one who keeps your work projects moving forward.”
An act of trust – a moment to recognize that we are not in control. We are not the ones who are “making things happen.” Conviction came for me after this next section:
But by now you must see that God is there – you are not alone in your work. Jesus’ famous discourse against worry (Matthew 6:25-34) is set in the context of work. He chides us that the plants of the field are cared for, though “they do not labor or spin” (verse 28). He reminds us that we are obviously more valuable to God than plants – so we shouldn’t “run after” material things through our work (verse 32). So if you are worrying during your rest, you are not practicing Sabbath.
Yikes. I can’t count how many times I have spent my day(s) off worrying about the work I am not getting done, especially during this season of fundraising for Cru where work/rest boundaries are more blurred. The crazy thing is that it is during this season of fundraising more than any before where progress is completely dependent upon the Lord, yet I waste my energy and try to take control back by worrying about what I am doing to accomplish things by myself.
Yet the enemy feeds us the lie that it is all up to me. The burden of success, whether material or spiritual, is on my shoulders, and if I am not being “productive,” then failure will follow.
Do I view both my work and my rest as sacred? As places where God resides and has the opportunity to be given glory? And, at the end of the day, do I let go of my efforts and entrust them into His hands?
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. —Corrie ten Boom
My desire is to take my rest – the Sabbath – more seriously. If the Israelites could take a Sabbath year every seven years to give the land a rest (Leviticus 25), and if the Lord provided for them with a whole year off, then He can most certainly provide for us if I honor Him not just with my work but also with my rest.
Do you struggle with this, too? How have you learned to “take the Sabbath seriously”?
As I mentioned in the first post for Project: Content-to-Rent, we love our little rent home. It’s a great size and has some old house charm, but it easily feels cluttery or outdated.
When Eric asked me what I would change about this house, without a doubt the first thing that came to mind was the kitchen wallpaper.
Y’all. It was gross. It just made the kitchen feel dirty. I dislike the type of tile used on the floors, and the grayish grout always looks dirty as well, but that wallpaper. And the border. Words can’t do it justice. I am not sure pictures even can, but here goes:
(sorry for the yellow lighting – can’t replace everything at once)
Who picks a southwestern-ish design for a border with floral wallpaper? I guess the colors kind of match, but seriously?
And we didn’t realize how yellowed the wallpaper had become until we pulled the light switch plate covers off and saw the color it should have been. Double ick.
For Christmas, we received some money from a grandparent, and we decided to put it to use for our first project.
Stripping wallpaper seemed a little daunting, especially in an old house when we had no idea what condition the walls were in. After some research, I discovered that you can use an oil-based primer to cover wallpaper if it is still in fairly good condition. This would help prevent moisture from damaging the paper underneath the paint.
So on the primer went! It took a couple of coats, and the oil-based made it a little more difficult to apply. We also encountered some problems as far as the wallpaper not having been applied correctly (in some places, there was excess wallpaper running along the ceiling or door frames), and we weren’t quite sure how to correct that, so we just made do the best we could and trying to spackle some places where the paper seemed to be peeling.
For the color, we picked a light “Driftwood Gray” (Glidden Martha Stewart), trying to find something neutral since it is a rent house, but also something that would not make the slightly off-white baseboards look dirty. The color ended up being a little more of a bluish gray than I anticipated, but it is growing on me.
We have another stage or two of this project – Eric is going to build me some shelves to help with the limited cabinet storage, and we will repaint the trim eventually – but here are some before and after shots:
ridley tends to follow me around when he thinks something exciting is going onthis is a little door that opens to reveal a GRODY ironing board which folds down from the wall. cool concept, i suppose, but never used.the shelves eric is planning to build will go on the the right side of the fridge in that empty spacei had spare chalkboard paint on hand from a christmas project, and i love how this turned out! we might move the fruit basket eventually, but it was the only space with a hook i could find to hang it on right now. the basket is also a new addition to help relieve some on-the-counter clutter.
All-in-all, we are very happy with how it turned out. I would still love to have different cabinets. And different floors. And new light fixtures. But it is just a rent house, and those things don’t seem quite so bad with the fresh coat of paint brightening up the room!
In December, Eric and I were discussing our friends who are buying homes – and how we feel like it could be several years before we are ready to take that step, especially since student loan debt is in the picture right now. Eric posed the question, “If we owned this (rent) house we are living in, what would you change about it?”
We really enjoy this sweet little home we moved into just over two years ago when we got married. The screened-in porch was a huge draw, and the wood floors are wonderful (especially with a long-haired dog – easy to clean). It’s a great 2BR-1BA size, with an unfinished basement the size of the entire house for tons of storage. It has old house charm (which also means cracks in the door jams for tiny breezes and single-paned windows and creaky spots in the flooring, so it is charming/chilly) and a great landlord situation.
However, I think this is a great question for me, as I can easily take this home for granted and want something newer/nicer/bigger/etc. We don’t have any plans to move into a different or a larger home – we don’t really need anything bigger or different – so what would it look like to do some low-key investments into this home and our belongings in order to gain more contentment for where we are now?
As part of this, I am following along with the January Cure via Apartment Therapy. This project involves daily, manageable tasks to slowly help de-clutter, clean, and organize your living space, and so far I am really enjoying it. Sitting down to create my project list (with some feedback from Eric) really helped me get a grasp of what it is I want to accomplish instead of just looking at rooms and getting frustrated.
In a rental situation, it can be easy to feel like you don’t have any control over your home, and in some situations this is more true than in others, but I found that most of my changes don’t involve the actual wall colors or flooring or other things that are a lot of work to change.
I am calling this “Project: Content-To-Rent.” My goal is not only to gain contentment with this home the Lord has provided, but also to find ways to take care of our home and make it a place of peace, not disorder. The Message version phrases Proverbs 31:19 this way: “She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.”
Lastly, a goal with this project is for Eric and I to get to share in doing fun things together and investing in our home. Especially in the winter, I feel like this is a strategic opportunity to grow our relationship. The “friendship” aspect of our marriage thrives in warm weather when we can go on bike rides and runs and walks and hikes. We can spend weekends camping and doing yard work. But in the winter, it’s easy to just crash on the couch under a blanket and watch a lot of movies. We need some of that, but to grow our relationship, I feel like house projects are a fun way to interact with each other and learn new things together.
The first task of Project: Content to Rent was recently completed, and I can’t wait to share it here soon!
o holy night, the stars are brightly shining
it is the night of our dear Savior’s birth
long lay the world in sin and error pining
’til He appeared and the soul felt its worth
a thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
so many words stand out to me in this well-loved christmas hymn, but the concept of “weary world” seems to resonate most with me this year as christmas approaches.
it’s not exhaustion from a busy schedule or too many people to see or anything like that – simply a weary heart.
weary from the roller coaster of decisions and changes this past year.
from craving God and not always seeing/hearing Him.
from craving community in a season that does not seem to foster consistency.
from not getting in the Word as deeply as my heart needs, which makes spiritual battles seem more challenging.
the picture given in the song is that the world was pining – longing – and exhausted from the wait.
romans tells us that the world is still weary, in bondage and expectantly waiting for the fulfillment of redemption promises.
for the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. for the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. for we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.
ultimately, my weariness – our weariness – is a result of an imperfect world.
rest is temporary, happiness is short-lived, and seemingly ideal circumstances will not satisfy. in light of eternity, all of these things will end, and we will remain weary until we are ultimately redeemed.
i wish i remembered that more – in my moments of longing for different circumstances or more possessions or easier days, i am longing for the wrong thing. none of those things are the answer. they eventually result in longing for more, and exhaustion comes from clinging so tightly to the things i want to bring me contentment and happiness but don’t.
hope cannot be found in our circumstances. even if the circumstances are ordained by God, and i am hoping in what He has for me in the future, i am still placing my hope in something temporary and not in the eternal God.
and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. for in this hope we were saved.
He is the answer to my groaning, just as He is the answer to the world’s groanings. the picture in “o holy night” is that the weary world is brought relief through the birth of Christ. this is where the hope in this song finds its source – the baby born to bring salvation. the weary world is able to rejoice because of the “dawn” brought by Christ’s coming.
as i reflect in this christmas advent season on Christ’s first coming, i want to be reminded of the hope i have in His second coming. i want to look to Him as the answer to my weariness and not to a “hope” in my circumstances changing.
now hope that is seen is not hope. for who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
when we can’t see, we can recognize hope. a reason to rejoice in the groaning and the emptiness so often experienced in this world. there is joy in the midst of brokenness when we find that joy in the Savior, in the breaking of a “new and glorious morn.”
merry christmas, dear friends – may you rejoice in the midst of any weariness as you anticipate the coming of Christ.
do you ever feel like you are in the middle of a story, but don’t know where the plot is headed?
i guess that is everyday life, but some moments i feel it more strongly than others.
as a child, i could not stop to put books down at bed time. i was the kid with a flashlight under the covers. (well, more like one of those dorky-but-helpful clip-on book lamps. i think my parents gave them to my in my christmas stocking multiple years in a row because i would burn the bulbs out after hours of use.)
i claim my ability to speed read assignments as an english major was originally formed during my elementary school years when i couldn’t sleep without knowing how the story would turn out in the end. and – more importantly – how it would get to that ending.
here’s a gem of what my life was like at that age. notice my finger carefully keeping my spot.
it’s too bad, in life, i can’t just stay up all night to figure out what happens next in the story. i have to actually live it.
even though i know it is going to be alright in the end – just like my childhood novels – i want to know how we get to being alright. does something tragic happen first? is it scary? is there a miracle involved? or is it uneventful with the heroine worrying for no reason?
“for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” {isaiah 55:8}
the story-teller is omniscient, and knows things the characters involved can’t yet see or understand.
so the characters must be patient and allow the story to play out, trusting that the author is weaving each situation into the grand plot. there will be a purpose, even if it is only seen in the end.
and we have the promise that, in the end, it will all be okay.
“in this world you will have trouble. but take heart! i have overcome the world.” {john 16:33}
“fear not, i am the first and the last, and the living one. i died, and behold i am alive forevermore, and i have the keys of death and hades.” {revelation 1:17-18}
samantha c. barnes 