Category: eric

the gospel of my today

“We dilute the beauty of the gospel story when we divorce it from our lives, our worlds, the words and images that God is writing right now on our souls.” [Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet]

As I finished reading Bittersweet for the multiple-teenth time, this line convicted me. The essay discusses how essential our stories are – how our testimony is more powerful than any academic lecture. When people discuss who God is in their life, Biblical concepts become more relatable. Not only is it easier to listen to, but it is also easier to relate to.

But I don’t always want to share the messy parts of my life. Those are meant to be hid under the bed, in the basement, or on high closet shelves where I keep the rest of my stuff that I don’t want to organize or show off.

Even though that’s what the Gospel is based on. Jesus took our wreckage, and made it beautiful. His sacrifice changed us from hopeless to hopeful. If we were capable of taking care of ourselves, we would not need Him to rescue us. But I am finding I need this rescue daily. 

You could look at me right now, in this moment, and think that my life is picture perfect. I am lounging on patio furniture in our screened in porch (decorated with glowing stringed lights, of course), typing away, while my hunk of a husband serenades me with the guitar. Atypical for an Arkansas August evening, the weather feels like it is much cooler than the 89* my WeatherBug app tells me it is, and the crickets are chirping in a rhythm to match Eric’s strumming. It feels like a movie-worthy moment.

The truth, though, is that the past two weeks have felt like I am driving a car that breaks down every thirty-three miles. And never at the right exit signs. And always where there is no cell phone reception. And I could go on about how desperate I have felt at times.

Work has been a roller coaster of busyness but good conversations with coworkers but rude customers but friends leaving but small victories but stress. I don’t always handle the hard days like I should. Instead of leaning on the Lord’s strength, I choose to sulk or allow people whom I have never even met to hurt me, even though they don’t know me. And even though they are normally acting irrationally.

I choose to push forward on my own, convincing myself that I am tough enough, but at the end of the day, I repeatedly find that I have failed.

Eric and I had a rough week last week. Out of  the five weekday evenings, we spent four with other friends. We had separate plans every single morning before work. We had separate lunch plans almost every day. Eric had a couple of interviews which seemed unfruitful, and I didn’t know how to respond. We probably didn’t communicate like we could have. One night, I waited until he fell asleep then crept out to the living room to journal, because I was too embarrassed to admit to him how tired and distant I was feeling.

So where is the Gospel in this?

Right now. This redemptive moment. My day wasn’t any easier at work. My husband has two more interviews tomorrow.  We have lots more to sort out when it comes to our next steps together in life direction.

In the midst of what is the biggest storm we have experienced together through this point in our marriage (today is our nine month anniversary, by the way), we get to end the evening quietly. God is good. Though we are two broken people, we have a marriage that works despite difficulty. We are well taken care of and provided for. We have not given up in the midst of failures, and we are forgiven for our selfishness.

Redemption doesn’t always mean that you have reached the “happily ever after” ending of a story. Redemption happens while the story is still going on. Redemption happens even without a found resolution.

My story is certainly not over. But the Gospel is being played out daily, as I realize more and more how big God is, and more and more how much I need Him. I am going to be more honest about the state of my life, no matter how unorganized and out of tune it may seem, because I need to continually focus on the composition God is arranging and rearranging.

Posted on by Samantha Barnes 0

24

Today is Eric’s 24th birthday! I feel so blessed that we have gotten married at this point in life – we are going to get to celebrate a lot of birthdays together, and this is the first one since we have been married a short almost-two-months.

However, in that short amount of time,  I have already seen so many things I love about him. So, for his birthday, I wanted to make a list of 24 things I love about him. Sappy? Yes. No shame – I love this man.

  1. He looks me in the eyes and re-promises his marital vows to me, every day.
  2. It is always exciting to come home to him after work.
  3. He makes praying together a priority.
  4. He likes anything and everything I cook – the only exception involved my adding too many jalapenos.
  5. He quotes lines and songs from movies in funny voices.
  6. Every night, he makes sure the kitchen is clean before getting ready for bed.
  7. He tells me every day that he thinks I am beautiful.
  8. He does the dishes daily because he knows it is my least favorite chore and we don’t have a dishwasher.
  9. He volunteers to heat my car up every morning before work.
  10. He has taken such sweet care of me when I have been sick, feverish, throwing up, and at my worst (which has happened twice since we have been married).
  11. He is conscious and wise when it comes to our finances, and he started working on our budget even before we got married.
  12. When we share ice cream, he always lets me choose chocolate even though he doesn’t like it.
  13. He plays the guitar.
  14. He is constantly on the look out for good devotionals for us to do together.
  15. He understood my need to decorate and settle into the house and helped make it a home.
  16. He goes with me into the basement at night to do laundry because he knows it creeps me out a little down there.
  17. He gives really good hugs.
  18. He plans really creative dates.
  19. He is constantly praying for me.
  20. He has a heart to use our marriage to encourage others and bring glory to God.
  21. He likes to daydream together about the future.
  22. He challenges me in my personal time with the Lord.
  23. He’s a hunk.
  24. He puts Christ first in his life and in our marriage.
Posted on by Samantha Barnes 0

different people

Eric and I were talking last night about when we first met a year and a half ago. He was wondering if we seemed like the same people, and I said nope.

notice the awkward distance between us, leaning in slightly but not too closely...

It’s hard to believe that this was our first “date.” Well, sort of. More like the first time we ever spent more than five minutes talking together, and it just happened to be a weekend in Memphis for his fraternity formal. At the time, I definitely had no idea that I would end up starting to like him, then decide I did not want to date him, then end up dating him, then be engaged to him, and – soon – marry him!

I don’t feel like he is the same person. At all. It’s weird to connect the two, honestly. Maybe because it took me so long to put away my fear and date him. Maybe because he was able to let his guard down once he realized I wasn’t perfect so he didn’t need to try to be.

Whatever the reason, I know the Lord has grown and shaped us both, and I am so thankful for the people we have become, both individually and together.

Posted on by Samantha Barnes 0