the gift of capacity

February 2019

Over the past couple of weeks, I have felt incredibly grateful for the gift of capacity in this season without children.

Some of our dearest friends have an almost-four year old, a two year old, and (at the time) a four week old. The older two girls came down with the flu, and of course the baby couldn’t be around her sisters, so the mom was coming up with really creative solutions to care for all three but obviously also under some heavy stress and fear and exhaustion. One of the best things was being able to stop by the house with lunch for the sick girls and then to hold the baby while she fed and cared for her little sickies for a bit.

Because I don’t have kids, I am not quite as scared of being exposed to the flu.
Because I don’t have kids (and because it happened to be on a morning when I was working from home), I was able to drop everything and run by for a couple of hours before my next meeting.

I’ve been able to last-minute make meals for families who are grieving unexpected losses or walking through difficult seasons. I can host events at our house because it’s almost always clean and we don’t have to worry about coordinating around nap times or bedtimes. My weekends are pretty low-key, and I am free to hang out or schedule a phone call to encourage someone.

I share all of that not to brag, but to celebrate how fun it is to bless others with my capacity! I’m not usually drawn to serving-type of tasks in order to connect with the Lord, but lately I have found that he is meeting me when I am driving across town with food or watching a friend’s kid or sweeping to prepare for guests. He has encouraged my heart as I have looked for ways to serve the community he has entrusted me with.

I know my capacity won’t always be like this. No matter how God builds our family or where he takes us with work, I know that there will be other seasons when my capacity is more limited. But right now, it’s been an unexpected gift of infertility.