April 2016

I am experiencing God’s presence in an incredible way during infertility. I honestly have way more good days than I do bad days, and I don’t know if that is in part to being very distracted/content thanks to a job I love, but credit for everything including the job goes to God’s grace, so I am grateful.

But I have also learned that, just because I have so many good days, that I don’t need to feel guilty about the bad ones. It’s not about whether or not I “deserve” to be sad or if I have “earned the right” to grieve. I don’t need to compare my pain with someone else’s and say that because they have had a miscarriage they are carrying a heavier weight than I am with my body that is seemingly healthy but doing nothing in the area of conception.

It’s crazy how we compare ourselves in everything, even pain.

My emotions aren’t always logical – and yet, if emotions are information, they are my trigger that something is going on beneath the surface that I need to process. So I am not going to respond to my emotions with criticism of what I do and don’t deserve. I am going to respond with prayer to understand the state of my heart, and I am going to respond in acknowledgment of the grace God gives, whether on a good day or bad day.